Wifey sounds good in a rap song. It’s almost appealing as it gives the allusion of being wife-like. Though wifeys reap some of the benefits of an actual wife, no one really respects the wifey. Not even the men who deemed them as such. But some women continue to wear their wifey crown as if it’s a badge of honor.
On Sunday I tuned in to just what the world needs- another reality show about the women dating men in the entertainment industry.
“Love and Hip-Hop” is comprised of Olivia, the former G-Unit singer; ex-wife of Swizz Beatz, Mashonda; Somaya the rapper; girlfriend of Jim Jones; and Fabolous’ girlfriend. In the first episode it was clear the two women in relationships with rappers were playing the wifey role. Emily, the live-in girlfriend and mother of Fabolous’ child, griped about the lifestyle he lives and her desire for more. Apparently he doesn’t claim her publicly and keeps her from walking the red carpet with him at various industry events. Although Jim Jones wasn’t as disrespectful as Fabolous to his wifey Chrissy- he at least acknowledges her in public- she was also at a crossroads hoping to get Jimmy to finally marry her. Her determination leads her to propose to him by the end of the season.
“Love and Hip-Hop” is comprised of Olivia, the former G-Unit singer; ex-wife of Swizz Beatz, Mashonda; Somaya the rapper; girlfriend of Jim Jones; and Fabolous’ girlfriend. In the first episode it was clear the two women in relationships with rappers were playing the wifey role. Emily, the live-in girlfriend and mother of Fabolous’ child, griped about the lifestyle he lives and her desire for more. Apparently he doesn’t claim her publicly and keeps her from walking the red carpet with him at various industry events. Although Jim Jones wasn’t as disrespectful as Fabolous to his wifey Chrissy- he at least acknowledges her in public- she was also at a crossroads hoping to get Jimmy to finally marry her. Her determination leads her to propose to him by the end of the season.
But that’s TV, the world of fame. We live in the land of everyday people who aren’t afforded the luxury of a Bentley in the driveway for playing house with no ring. Yet women do it every day.
Interestingly enough, most women toting their wifey status desperately long for the institution of marriage. Playing wifey would be understandable if one does not aspire to be a wife. But if the ultimate goal is for your significant other to put a ring on it, why do people insist on doing things a$$ backwards?
I’m not sold on the “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” theory. Some men will still marry a woman after she’s done all the things a wife would do for years. Others won’t. It really depends on the man and couple. And it’s not the cohabitation aspect of the wifey scenario I’m concerned with either. My only concern is women settling for less who want more.
Black women are constantly told our standards are too high. But the reality of black women’s situations across the board is proving to be the exact opposite of high standards. I’ve never known a group of women to give so much only to receive so little in return. Being wifey is great when all the gifts are rolling in. After a while you can no longer repress your desire for marriage. Fulfilling your wifey role only becomes a nagging reminder that you want more from a man who doesn’t want to fully commit, but wants you to continue with wifely duties.
I want black women to raise the bar a bit. Expect more from men. If all women demanded more, men would have no other choice but to come correct. Until then there will be a bunch of unwed women running around referring to themselves as wifeys as if they’ve actually won a prize.
What is it with women being settling for less than what they want? Is this the future of relationships or just a phase?
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